The Grateful Jar Project with Krystin Clark (#11)

The Grateful Jar Project with Krystin Clark (#11)

Today on The Blissful Parent Podcast we are talking with Krystin Clark who is the accidental author of the best-selling Amazon book — The Grateful Jar Project. The premise is simple. Would life be any different if she committed to focusing on gratitude every single day, for a year, no matter what?

The unexpected effect that this practice had on her own life as well as the lives of her 2 daughters is truly inspirational. The immediate effects of using gratitude as a tool to resolve conflict and to bring joy to one another is a life lesson that we can all learn from. Listen in as Krystin shares her powerful journey of gratitude and the lasting positive effects it has had on her family.

Connect with Krystin:
KrystinClark.ca/
KrystinClark.ca/the-grateful-jar-project/

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Feeling Challenged By Your Child’s Behavior?

Learn A “Highly Effective” Method For Transforming Bad Behavior In Just 3 Simple Steps!

This FREE workshop will introduce you to a NEW 3-step method of dealing with challenging behavior that will increase your chances of getting it right. When this workshop is finished, you’ll know exactly why your child is misbehaving and what to do about it.

Click here to register for the FREE Blissful Parenting Workshop

Your Parenting Questions Answered with Chuck Anderson (#10)

Your Parenting Questions Answered with Chuck Anderson (#10)

Today on The Blissful Parent Podcast founder and faculty member Chuck Anderson, is answering your most pressing parenting questions.

If you have a question, please head on over to our website linked below and submit yours for a future Q&A episode. What is it you really want to know? Don’t be afraid to ask, as each submission is completely anonymous.Take advantage of our expertise and submit your question today.

Submit your questions here http://www.TheBlissfulParent.com/ask

Thanks for listening!

Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a note in the comment section below!

Subscribe to the podcast

If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher. You can also subscribe to the podcast app on your mobile device.

Leave us an iTunes review

Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on iTunes, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you have a minute, please leave an honest review on iTunes.

Feeling Challenged By Your Child’s Behavior?

Learn A “Highly Effective” Method For Transforming Bad Behavior In Just 3 Simple Steps!

This FREE workshop will introduce you to a NEW 3-step method of dealing with challenging behavior that will increase your chances of getting it right. When this workshop is finished, you’ll know exactly why your child is misbehaving and what to do about it.

Click here to register for the FREE Blissful Parenting Workshop

Helping Kids Launch Their Own Business with Leah Coss and Braden Ricketts (#9)

Helping Kids Launch Their Own Business with Leah Coss and Braden Ricketts (#9)

Today on The Blissful Parent Podcast we are talking to Leah Coss and Braden Ricketts about their Build a Biz program. A program where kids learn to take their business ideas and make them a reality.

Leah is  the President of Build a Biz Kids (a nonprofit society, helping kids launch their own business); Co-Founder & CEO of The Fuel Academy (a Business Incubator & Academy Providing Experiential Learning in Entrepreneurship, Social Impact & Innovation to Youth); Professional Speaker on Mindset & Soft Skill Development in Youth & Adults.

Braden Ricketts is the Vice President of Build a Biz Kids Kids (a nonprofit society, helping kids launch their own business); Co-Founder of The Fuel Academy (a Business Incubator & Academy Providing Experiential Learning in Entrepreneurship, Social Impact & Innovation to Youth) With a background in career counseling and single parenting, Braden is professional high-fiver who aims to empower children to believe they can make a difference and inspire them to take action on their ideas. 

Michelle: Welcome Blissful Parenting Family. I’m your host, Michelle Abraham and I’m very excited today we have two guests with us from Build a Biz Kids. So we have Leah Cos and Braden Ricketts. Leah is the president of Build a Biz Kids which is a nonprofit society helping kids launch their own businesses. How cool is that? So Leah is also the co-founder and CEO of the Fuel Academy, which is another project that they are working on, which is a business incubator and academy providing experiential learning and entrepreneurship, social impact and innovation for Youth. Leah is a professional speaker on mindset and soft skill development in youth and adults. And Braden Ricketts is the vice president Build a Biz Kids. It’s which is, which I just said is a nonprofit organization that they run and also the co-founder of the Fuel Academy. And Braden is got a background in career counseling and single parenting Braden is a professional high fiver who aims to empower children to believe that they can make a difference and inspire them to take action on their ideas. Now, I’ve known you guys for a while and it’s been very cool to see this Build a Biz coming from idea to fruition and it just seems like it’s just taking off. So I’m very excited to introduce you guys to our Blissful Parenting audience out there because it’s just one of those things obviously as an entrepreneur myself dear to my heart and I think it’s so fantastic that you guys are doing so welcome to the show guys.

Braden and Leah: Yeah, I’m so excited to be here. Thanks for having us.

Michelle: No problem. So let’s just get started guys. Like where did this idea come from? Because I’ve heard now so many people over the past few years, you guys worked on this project saying, oh my gosh, what a great idea guys. Like this is such a fantastic idea for kids. I want my kids to learn this. So where did this all start for you guys?

Leah: Well, I suppose with, um, specifically for us, I mean, I’ve been a serial entrepreneur as well myself since graduating college. I actually used to sell franchises for 1-800- Got-Junk. And that was my first exposure to it. Even realizing entrepreneurship was an option. And growing up I think for a lot of us our option is a stable government job, stable other job. And then people who are entrepreneurs were either born into it or they kind of fell into it by accident or something and there was never really this idea that you could do it on purpose. So Braden and I, Braden was at a point where he’d been working with YWCA, which is a nonprofit society where he did a lot of program development, project management and career development for people in need. But he was looking for what is that next step?

He wanted to help in a bigger capacity. And with my entrepreneurial background, the stars kind of aligned and I met up with an old entrepreneur friend from 1-800-Got-Junk. So this is 15 years later. And she developed this incredible curriculum that helps kids look at entrepreneurship as an option. And for us, it just clicked. It made sense with Ethan, our 10-year-old. He was at that, I guess at the time he was nine, 10, eight, nine, somewhere around there. And we realized that the school systems are providing them with a certain type of education, but that he was still falling in this the same rep that we were, that entrepreneurship wasn’t really an option on the table. And what we always tell people as well, what we’re teaching yes, is entrepreneurship, but it’s really the skills that the students are getting through entrepreneurship that’s going to help to guide them through making any large choice in their life. So, to make a long story long, how we fell into it is it made sense, the opportunity arose and they say good luck is when opportunity meets preparation. And I myself felt like I’ve been preparing for it my whole life. This is my way of paying forward and frankly living vicariously through every single student that takes our program.

Michelle: That’s awesome guys. That’s such a great way that your program started. And it’s interesting that you went into entrepreneurship, Leah. And it’s funny because Braden is actually my brother. I’m just going to say that out to everyone in the audience. Braden and I are brother and sister and how we grew up being entrepreneurs. Well seeing an entrepreneur and our father was an entrepreneur, like a total serial entrepreneur. So for me, I always knew I wasn’t going to be employed. I always knew I was going to be an entrepreneur. But Braden chose to the employed, throughout his years. And it’s funny how we were talking about this the other day, how we had this very similar experiences in jobs in the business. And then it’s interesting to see now he’s an entrepreneur as well. So it doesn’t mean that you have your entrepreneurial parents are going to have entrepreneurial kids or your work in a stable job parents are gonna not have entrepreneurial kids. So you never know what’s going to happen. I love what you guys said about, you know, the program being a different skill set. So, Braden, I know you’re the facilitator in the program. What are some of the skill sets that you’ve seen the kids come out of the program with?

Braden: As the facilitator, my aim, my sole purpose with the facilitated program really is to get the kids to believe in their ideas that they have the power in themselves to actually take action on their ideas, to make a difference, to do something that they want to do. You don’t have to wait to be told it’s okay. So the skill sets that I looked for are, you know, creativity. Not accepting that a problem is the end of their creative process, but it’s an opportunity for them to get more creative and get actually resourceful. So they learned some tenacity to be able to power through the barriers and objections that they might see and then learning how to communicate their ideas. So having the actual skill set to go from this is what I want to do and explain it to their friends or especially adults that this is what I’m trying to achieve is a skill set that I think is going to empower these kids because their minds are brilliant, but getting people to buy in to what their ideas are, it’s going serve them long term no matter what they decide to do.

Michelle: Yeah. It sounds like you guys are really setting them up for not just the financial literacy but also like just other skills that are going to be so valuable and other parts of their lives. So what’s like, can you guys give us an example of a really great success story from your guys’ program?

Braden: Oh wow, we have so many, I have to go way back to the beginning. So gotta think we’re just launching, it’s our first summer camp. We get a pair of brothers that come into our program, never met them before the first week of camp and they do our lemonade stand challenge. So this is a week-long camp where they learn the fundamentals of business by launching a lemonade stand on the last day. But throughout the week they’re learning how to communicate with marketing, how to test the market to find out what is the best flavor of lemonade that’s going to sell. They do their sales pitch, they learn their profit margins. It’s exciting. The last day they have their lemonade stands and the brothers are out there. They’re cheerleaders or they’ve got pom-poms going. They’re getting lots of sales. The youngest one was really shy, but by the end of the day, he was the one talking to all these customers.

This is also the first time these kids are experiencing no from a stranger. If they’re hearing strangers say, no thank you, I don’t want that. No thanks. Why are you doing that? I don’t need that. But they powered through. Right. They didn’t let that stop them. The week after that program ended, we got a picture from the parents sent to us by email of these two boys outside their home. They had launched a snow cone stand the week after and what they had done is they had put outside, they all proceeds go to charity. They were raising money for make a wish foundation. We then got a photo a few days later of them presenting the big check of the money that they’ve earned for snow cone stand over to the make a wish foundation. So for us to see these kids, you know, have fun in our program, that’s fantastic.

But what they went home and decided to implement on their own with their own ideas and wanting to help other people with their efforts means the world to us. That’s what’s remarkable for us to see. And again, to make a long story long, the same child has now children. They now continue to go to other markets and they’ve donated so much money to the children’s hospital that they are now an official fundraiser and they have their own children’s hospital banner that goes and sits behind them when they’re out at these market things. So we’re pretty excited and proud to see what these kids do on their own.

Michelle: Oh, that’s so cool. I love it. So Leah, can you just walk us through like it sounds like you guys have this lemonade stand challenge, program. So is that an afterschool program? That’s a summer camp program. And do you then continue on through the school year as well with the kids?

Leah: You Bet. So we have two, two companies if you will, that are helping two different demographics. So building as kids is for seven to 12 year olds and those are module based. We want to give students that age a taste and just the understanding as well, even for parents. And it’s not just a choice between do I want to be in dance class or do I want to be in soccer? You know, there’s more than just those two aspects. And there’s also something more than just the academic afterschool programs that are out there. So we have a 10 week program which helps them to launch their own business and they’re making their own real money. They are hearing no as Braden heard, and they’re going through every step in a very simple term on how to launch their own business over the course of those 10 weeks, including that four hour market day where they launch a pop up shop and indirect to the general public.

So it’s getting them a lot of skills, but that’s a memory that they’re going to reflect on for many years to come. If anyone’s taken junior achievement it’s not uncommon that someone says, I remember the business that I started and I remember this one situation. So that’s what we’re doing is we’re creating a very, very impactful memories. The other parts are for spring and summer camp, so those are a chance for kids that are maybe just wanting a taste of it. So the lemonade stand challenge is like a one week full time boot camp where the students are showing up for one week and launching business in a team atmosphere and we’re really emphasizing social impact. And then we have other camps such as inventors paradise for example, and that’s focusing on just the first aspect of entrepreneurship. So they’re not fully launching a business.

What they’re doing is they’re really hammering in on finding and seeing problems in the world, their own problems, families problems, world problems, figuring out multiple solutions and then immediately taking action to make a prototype and then doing it again. And the idea what the prototype is realizing there’s never anything that’s 100% done, nothing is ever a hundred percent solved and it’s really getting their brain working into a problem solving mode. We want these kids to, we really want to make sure they don’t grow up with that victim mentality. You were talking about success stories, Violet, she continued as well to build her business at adult fairs and she was selling jewelry and you know, there’s other jewelers there of course who are adults selling really pretty stuff. And we had asked you at the end of the day, you know, how did you do? And she had sold a lot of bracelets but she didn’t feel a lot of earrings.

And we said, well what does that mean? And she said, it means I need to either, change my price or I need to display them differently. But not once did she say, nobody’s being nice to me today. Nobody likes my stuff. There was no victim mentality. So by doing these modules and summer camps you are able to really hone in on those specific avenues of entrepreneurship or a particular soft skill that we’re really trying to do. The Fuel Academy though, that’s where 13 to 19 year olds and that’s where we’re not just focusing on entrepreneurship. In fact, it’s not entrepreneurship at all. There’s just modules where they’re doing entrepreneurial aspects. We’re really focusing on social impact innovation. And those manifest through all sorts of things from charity, fundraising, volunteering, starting a business, but also just making a difference, feeling that empowerment that they are one person, but as one person we make significant impact and they’re going to be able to see that you know, for graduation, which is very exciting.

Michelle: Yeah. I imagine that they’re 18 and 19-year-olds that’s the perfect demographic to get those guys into, you know, seen as more into the world out there than themselves and getting them exposed to things like volunteering and social impact. That’s amazing. I know for me, girl guides did that for me during my years in that had I not had a good group of friends and girl guides or I probably wouldn’t have been in it through my teens. And I did and I’m glad I did because that opens so many doors with all the volunteering that we were doing and the social impact things that we were doing as well. I can’t imagine like, how if I graduated from high school without any of that experience, it would be a lot harder to get jobs. And also just, you know, the skills you learn in doing that you become, I imagined that the marketplaces you see are kids really opening up from like maybe shy to, you know, they’re presenting their products and services in the marketplace that must be a really great thing to see.

Leah: It’s given the perspective, right? These kids live in a bubble. And we were just commenting with, you know, kids going back to school and saying, you know, I want to be this when I grow up, well that’s the child who’s seven, eight, nine, 10, what do you want to be when you grow up? They can maybe name 10 things, right? In fact, adults only can name so many things. There are these people in roles we have no idea exist. And most of them they created themselves, right? So it’s really just giving them that perspective of the world, the people that are in it, the people they can help in the power that they have.

Michelle: That’s awesome. So what can parents do to really you know, see they say, hey guys, do you want to go to this, you know, entrepreneurial kind of camp. And the kids are like, no, no, definitely not. I’d rather play video games and what some of the things that parents as parents can do to maybe inspire, promote, for provoke, get the kids interested in doing something like that. Our agenda of course.

Braden: Well a lot of the kids are motivated to join one of our programs because there is potential to earn their own money to take control and ownership of their financial abilities to see that there are opportunities all around them for them to make a dollar and then that’s their dollar to reinvest and grow their business or to spend right? When they earn it themselves they have a little more freedom, but it also gives them that confidence that there is freedom around them to inspire themselves to make a difference. So really it’s in social impact, social impact, helping those get out.

Leah: Yeah. Like you know, we, there’s so much in the news about millennial’s and how they’re lazy and this and that, but when it really comes down to what it is is millennial’s are just not willing to settle. They want to know that what they’re doing is making an impact. And when you’re looking at Gen z and on all the generations coming up behind and with social media the way that it is, you can’t escape at least being touched by some of the things happening in the world. And kids are just naturally empathetic. I think over time we can tell them, you know, toughen up and stop crying and that can be kind of deadened a little bit in there. But naturally they’re very empathetic and if they can help, they want to. In fact even adults if they know they have the power and they can help as long as it doesn’t interrupt their day too much, they want to help.

And so we can capture these students at that young age. And that’s where we really hone in on the social impact that matters to them and give them that perspective. Then they want to take action. It’s, I don’t think anyone could disagree that when you feel like you’ve made a difference for somebody, whether it’s holding the door open for them, helping them carry their groceries when you hadn’t planned on doing something like that that day, it feels really good and students will react to that. That’s, that’s positive incentive for that for sure. And if they can be exposed to it early, they’ll want to keep doing it ongoing. Just like the make a wish foundation student that we had the very first camp that we had.

Michelle: Yeah. That’s amazing. So then you guys have a son who has gone through these programs and now you’ve seen him at home and now you’ve seen him starting middle school this week. So what are some things that you’ve seen a change in him just by participating in these programs?

Braden: I have to tell you, I’m laughing Leah is explaining what our programs do for kids because I can see our motivation to run these programs so that he will gain the skills we want him to have. For instance, the, you know, the resilience that something with the prototypes that things are not always a hundred percent complete, you can always improve them. He’s great at saying, okay, I’ve done this, it’s done. I don’t have to do it again. Yeah. But we want to go back and look at that. Can you do it better? Can you improve it? So those are skill sets that we’re trying to put into the programming. Right. What’s another example?

Leah: Well, you know, there’s Ethan’s an interesting example and I think a lot of parents can empathize with this. So being entrepreneurial myself, I’ll look at Ethan and be like, come on, you know, like, just pull up your bootstraps and take ownership. Do it. Right. And he’s, you know what made me laugh is he came home from soccer one day and he said, oh my Gosh, dad, yes, what coach told me? And whatever it was that he had said, we kind of looked at each other and we’re like, Ethan, we’ve been telling you that for like a year. And the thing is, is these are parent deaths, right? And so one of the things we tell parents is that we are that other voice for you with the sanity or I are saying, and just to reassure parents, you’re not doing a bad job. You’re telling them the right things.

They just don’t always hear it from you because they take for granted the information that comes out of your mouth. Right? And so for Ethan, he does have his moments of being parent deaf. But in those moments, like just two weeks ago, so all of our summer camps, it ended, we had some leftover supplies from one of the lemonade stand challenges and Ethan found out he was tall enough to drive the adult go carts. He very excited, but we said, you know, we’re not gonna do it this weekend. But he realized from his previous time at Build a Biz Kids that he could take this leftover lemonade supplies, go downstairs, start his own lemonade stand and raise enough money to be able to buy his own ticket to be able to go and drive these go carts. So, you know, the thing I would say to parents is just simply one kids are parent deaf.

It’s not you, it’s them. And you know, we think there are ways for you to instill these skills that those life lessons. Like that’s what we’re here for. And hopefully we can add a few extra tidbits that maybe you hadn’t thought of or hadn’t come up yet. Or the other is in some time they are paying attention. You know gosh, you know, iPads are always a common thing these days, but it’s incredible. You know, we’ll be talking directly to him to say, Ethan can you do this? He doesn’t hear you. But meanwhile you talk about him thinking he’s not listening. He hears every word. So they are paying attention. They will come around. It’s like the child that maybe is, you know, two years old and still a little wobbly on their feet, don’t worry about it. They all catch up. Right. And it’s just about planting those seeds, even on that opportunity to use their creativity and whatever skills it is that they have. And then they’ll be fine, you know?

Braden: Yeah. One more thing to add on to that is because you’re talking about these generations. I’m calling this auto-play generation because they have the next video coming out. They have the next video. You have a game starting in just three seconds. The next episode starts in three, two, one. There’s a bit of a door frame for that right?

Michelle: Yeah, I remember we had to wait a week for that.

Braden: So what I’m seeing is we’ve got, um, these kids that are going to school to learn what they need to learn. They’re learning the math, they’re learning English and learning how to write. But what they’re missing is they’re not learning the why. They need to learn it and we’re hoping to give them hope a why or help them find the why so that if they want to start a business, okay, I need to pay attention to math because I need to understand my profit margins so that I can understand properly what to charge customers on making money. Or are we getting the why out there? Is it a social issue? This plastics in the ocean. That’s why I need to really pay attention in science class because I want to learn how to get those plastics out of the ocean so that we can save these animals. You know, we’re giving them the why so that they understand the reason to learn the how.

Michelle: I think that’s so important because you know our curriculum in school hasn’t changed in the last 30 years. Yet our world around us has changed incredibly. So I think having that why and relating it back to their role as they know it, then that helps them maybe be a little bit more inspired in school or a little bit more, maybe a little bit more attention. And if they can see that they did, they learn these things in school. I knew I was going to be an entrepreneur, so I, I actually purposely didn’t take math regular math. I went into accounting so that could help me in my business and knowing that I was heading towards the business. So if they can know these things that they’re interested in and finding out what they’re interested in through exploring these kinds of skills, I think that’s so great because then when they graduate, they have a little bit better idea what they’re going to do. Cause going to get just a regular old art degree doesn’t really get you anywhere anymore. It’s like, you know, those more specific specialized training is going to get you much further. So I think the skills that they’re learning is amazing.

Leah: Yeah, it is. And it isn’t. So specialized skills is a tough one these days. I’ve been to numerous panel discussions about automation right now. So people are concerned because there are certainly industries that are completely disappearing and there are certain roles and levels of a business that are completely different because disappeared. And you look at even receptionist, right? Where you’re like, oh gosh, someone’s gotta be there to answer the phone. Someone’s gotta be there. That, and it’s like, no, you walk in and it’s a computer on the wall and you essentially go, I’m here to meet Joe. And then Joe gets notified. So lot of changes are happening and if you get too specialized, you know, if you’re going to be a doctor and a lawyer or even in robotics, yes, you’re going to be specializing. Well, what’s so critical and what a top employers are starting to say is they need someone who is able to come into a role and not be obsolete in five years, right?

We’re going to be hitting this, this interesting threshold where we’re going to have all these people getting laid off in positions in industries that are no longer relevant and are now considered or once considered skill. Now they’re unskilled labor and they’re, they’re unemployable. But then we have all this new industry, these new positions that are being created because of innovation and nobody there to fill it. You know, it’s this oddity. Oh, we’re gonna have all these unskilled people with all of these crazy amounts of roles that need to be filled. What’s going to happen to the economy? What we need to do is teach students, is entrepreneurial mindset. So I do only still parents. We don’t matter, it doesn’t matter if they become an entrepreneur. That’s not the point. It’s about teaching them the skills so that they can pivot through life and learn how to learn, learn what they need to learn and if you’re the person who shows up to work each day with a to do list given to them one by one.

The things on my to-do list will become automated, but if you show up to work each day with no to do list and what that means is that the company is saying you are in a position to drive your own role. You tell us what you need to do to be successful in this role and to drive this company forward and the only way you can do that is if you understand how your role impacts the company’s bottom line. If you understand how your role affects manufacturing and the scalability, but if you don’t understand that you don’t have that perspective, you will become obsolete and we need to prevent that because we’ve got too much new industry happening right now and the roles need to be filled.

Braden: I heard a great analogy the other day is that the traditional education system was built like a brick structure or give you a solid foundation and everything you need to know to succeed in this economy because the economy was slow-changing. But now it’s changing so much. Our education needs to be more like a tent, something that you can pack up and take anywhere and have success in any type of environment. Right? We work with kids as young as seven years old. So if you consider it that, that means we have students right now that are going into grade three this week and their graduation year is 2030. Consider that 2030 there’ll be graduating. And one of the things that I like to think about is we’ve got entrepreneurs out there like Elon Musk, his big mission goal is to make the human species an interplanetary species. He wants to populate Mars. So you expect to do that in the next five to 10 years. So when these kids in grade two and grade three are graduating in 2030, they will have seen potentially the human species becoming interplanetary and having homes or locations on Mars. So that opens up a whole different world into with different types of needs in the economy. Like an interplanetary, Uber will be, Amazon will have to be doing deliveries to Mars. The problems these kids are going to be asked to solve when they graduate high school.

Michelle: Yeah. The artificial intelligence and just, you know, everything has changed so much in there and you know, in the materials too that are not developed yet, that they’re going to be, that’s going to be developed that they’ll be working with maybe in construction or other things too. Right. But there’s just so many things changing, that it’s really great. Just the, see, I like what you said about the packing up the tents and taking it to go and I think some of the things you guys are teaching the kids there is exactly that. It’s the tent that the brick foundation needs to have the portable skills to go with you wherever you go.

Leah: One thing that we’re excited about is with Build A Biz kids and then the Fuel Academy being kind of the sequel if you will. If we do, if we’re able to have an impact on a child as young as seven by the time they graduate high school and they’re still with us in the Fuel Academy, 10 years of hands-on tangible experience. And you know, I, went to college myself. I’m a big fan of it. If you know what you want to do, but if you don’t, you know by the time you graduate high school having these kinds of experiential learning, you have 10 years of experience under your belt. And now education after high school is an empowered choice. It’s not a pigeon hole. You are not forced and you can go out and immediately in high school if not before, earn an income. You have experience under your belt. You have the ability to go, come and, go from school. I think school in a college sense is really going to change a lot over the next 10, 20 years. It’s going to be, oh, I need an upgrade. You know, so I’m going to go and do once one semester and kind of just Bootcamp it. Right. I think that’s going to have to fluctuate with how the world is going.

Braden: Yeah. The greatest skillset to have is to know what skills you need to have so you can, and the desire to go learn them. Those are the skill sets you need, right. To know what you don’t know and to go get them.

Michelle: That’s great. So guys, tell us how parents can find out more about you guys and where to look for you online.

Leah: So buildabizkids.com, Fuel Academy is launching next fall. So the website’s not up, but when it is it’ll be the fuelacademy.com. And then in terms of all of the social media handles, they are all at Build a Biz Kids. So Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, even on Linkedin.

Michelle: Awesome. That’s great. So any last words for parents out there? Guys are just sitting on the fence who like [inaudible] I don’t want my kid to just be a kid for, you know, their, their elementary school lives. And, uh, you know, what about soccer? What about all these other sports? So any, any last words for parents out there?

Leah: Yeah. This is, not this is a life skill aspect, but depending on the age of your child if they’re between seven and 12, you know, a 10-week module, a 10-week program for them to launch their own business is just something to accentuate. And in my opinion, will offer them skills that will actually make them better on their soccer team. You know, they’re going to understand teamwork and leadership in a completely different context. They’re gonna understand communication skills in a completely different way. All of these skills are going to help to accentuate whatever it is that you have enrolled them in. And if it’s something that they decide to continue to do, don’t worry. Having a son who’s in soccer and baseball, this does not take the same amount of, dedicated commitment on a very structured, rigorous schedule as, as those are. It’s something that can absolutely fit into anyone’s schedule if it’s something that you find value.

Braden: I can’t say anything more than that, but some of the feedback we’ve gotten from parents with kids as young as seven parents saying, I had no idea that my child was this capable. I’ve never given them the opportunity to fail like this before. And I’m absolutely floored with what they’ve been able to achieve to their own ambitions. So it’s really, it’s remarkable to see what these kids can do when we let them play.

Leah: And on that note, I got to mention just one thing if I can, sorry. We also help the parents because that only happens when the parent is able to stand back. So we actually don’t allow parents at the market day tables. We do not allow parents, inside the classroom, we send them an email on how to accentuate on the lessons that we learned that day to help their child to continue to grow but then to stand back and allow their child to take ownership. So we also kind of teach the parents a little bit as well.

Michelle: Thank you cause we all need help on that. So it’s really cool to see like I remember going to a market day with you guys and seeing some of the cool things that these kids came up with on their own. Everything from that bath salts, to food items to jewelry, to dog leashes to all sorts of different crazy things. And I think it’s really cool to see the kids like have an idea and then actually like have a prototype and selling it. It’s so cool.

Braden: They used to say it takes a village to raise a child and these days it takes a network.

Michelle: Hmm. Good one. I liked that one as well. Well on that note, thank you so much, guys. Parents make sure you reach out to Braden and Leah and connect with them. They’re just expanding their business all over the place. You have any way to, there are also a not for profit business, so any way to help them get more exposure or get out there, any ideas, please let them know and connect with them because what they’re doing is so important for our kids. So on that note thank you, Braden and Leah, for being with us today.

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Talking About The Birds and The Bees with Amy Lang (#8)

Talking About The Birds and The Bees with Amy Lang (#8)

Today on The Blissful Parent Podcast we are talking with sexual health educator Amy Lang. For over 20 years, Amy Lang, MA has been helping parents of all beliefs talk with kids about the birds and the bees.

She is the author of the award-winning book Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids – A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs About Sexuality, Love, and Relationships and her book for teens Dating Smarts: What Every Teen Needs to Know to Date, Relate or Wait. Amy’s talks, books, online resource center, and podcast helps parents learn how to talk to their kids about this important and awkward part of life. Amy is still married to her first husband and they are getting the hang of parenting their teenage son. She lives in Seattle, WA. You can learn more about Amy and her work at BirdsAndBeesAndKids.com

Michelle: Hello, Blissful Parenting its Michelle Abraham, your host here today and I’m so excited for this episode. I have a really special treat for you guys today. We brought on Amy Lang. She is a parenting expert and she really focuses on really helping us parents get to that birds and bees talk. So Amy, thank you so, so much for being with us and I hope you’ll tell us a little bit more about what you all do.

Amy: Thank you for having me. I am super excited to chat with you and to help the parents that are listening right now. So I was the sexuality educator for over 15 years. Is that right? It was a long time from my early twenties on and I love to talk about sexuality and talk to anybody you could think of. And then I had a kid and I was stumped. I did not know how to talk to a child about sex. I realized at one point I was like, Yay. I’d rather talk to a pregnant 14 year old girl than my kid who’s four at the time. And I realized that that was going to be a little bit of a problem. So I started doing some research and I realized that we didn’t really have any approachable information about how to talk to kids about sex. And I also suspected that it was kind of out of date.

And so I dug into like how to talk to kids about sex. And then I did a little research and discovered that in the Netherlands they do everything right when it comes to talking to kids about sexuality. So when I when I kind of got myself ready to talk to my child, I also realized that other parents needed help. And so I started Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids. And I’ve been doing this for 13 years. Milo was about five when I started and now he’s 18. So I’ve done all the things with my boy and you know, he’s launched now he has his first girlfriend. And so I just, you know, I just wanted to help other folks. And I have a master’s degree in, group facilitation and adult education. And so I just combined my two favorite things and started a company.

Michelle: I love it, Amy. And you know, I originally found you online when I was searching for an expert, kind of specifically in this field. And interesting, I know and your website just really spoke to me as a parent. It’s very welcoming and you know, as a, since your podcasts you have a podcast called “Just Say This”. And I really, really love it that it’s parents that are having recorded the questions that maybe they’re a little bit shy to ask or may their afraid to like speak about it in public like about it or whatever. And then you just give this no BS answer and you make it sound so simple and so easy and nonchalant about it. I just love it. So I really encourage our audience, go check out Amy’s podcast. It’s really cool. And you can find it on iTunes and then also on your website, which is BirdsandBees.com. So you can really make sure you go listen to it. So tell us a little bit about the podcast Amy and how that kind of started.

Amy: Well, I love the Q and A style podcasts myself and I’m an avid Dan Savage, Savage Love podcast listener. And so I was like, Dan’s got it all going on. So I’m just going to copy him and had been on his show a few times and, and I’m Palsey walsey with his producer. And so I realized that this was a great way for me to do a podcast cause it’s not dependent on interviews or scheduling time with anything, anybody. And it gives an opportunity, like you said, for parents to ask those questions where they just feel like a big dummy. And so they leave a voicemail and then I answer, you know, I answer their questions and I also do a little like blurb at the beginning where I pick a specific topic and talk about that. And I have really great advertisers because I want like, it’s almost all parenting oriented and I want parents to have like all the resources they need to really tackle this part of, you know, parenting.

And then other parts too. And I’m loving doing it. And you know, I’m getting really great feedback and you know, I think that when it comes to this part of parenting, people are, you know, they’re uncomfortable. They have their histories that are showing up. They don’t want to ruin their kids. And I think also we’re operating in this culture that is so saturated, saturated with sexual messages and information that most of us don’t want our kids to have, until they’re like, I dunno, late twenties. But we’re not going to get in our way and it’s not going away. And, you know, we have to really get our kids ready for when they’re exposed to crappy stuff online or their friends are, you know, throwing around different terms. So, you know, my whole mission is to help every child grow up to be a whole and healthy adults.

And if you just pause and think about sexuality, it is with us from the beginning and it is a through line to just about everything that we do as human beings. And sometimes it’s, you know, overt, it’s like right there, the thing that’s on your mind and then sometimes it’s kinda running around in the background. So yeah, I mean I just really want parents to feel comfortable and confident and be willing to jump in and I promise the conversations don’t have to be too scary. Sure, they’re going to be uncomfortable, but lots of times they’re just hilarious. So that’s my jam.

Michelle: Well, I’ve definitely been to listen to your podcast on several occasions and I just, I have laughed at all of the questions and all the answers because they are funny. And like, especially when they’re coming from younger children doing silly things, and you’re like how, do I deal with this? I remember one particular episode where the little girl was humping her teddy bear.

Amy: Right? Right. Yeah. She’s humping her teddy bear in front of God and everyone, right. So she’s like, I’m bored. This feels good. Like any time. And I mean, so we talked about how, you know, and parents should know this, like sexuality, like we’re wired up for pleasure from the beginning. And so it’s super common for kids to figure out that it feels good to touch their penis or their clitoris and they don’t know it’s something we do in private, you know, they don’t know that there’s anything, you know, bad about it. They’re just like, I’m bored. I’m in a safe place. I’m just gonna stick my hand down my pants. And, you know, usually we can predict when they’re going to engage in this kind of sexual behavior. You know, it’s usually, a bedtime or nap time. It’s self-soothing, you know, they’re not, thinking about, you know, John Stamos for example.

So they’re just like, it feels good. I’m bored, I’m tired. I’m just going to do this. And as adults, we tend to turn that in. We tend to sexualize that. We tend to think, oh my God, that’s a grownup thing. Like we shame kids. We’re afraid of that. It means something. And usually, it doesn’t. So, you know, one of my big tips for parents of young kids, in particular, is just to say, hey, I know that feels good, but that’s something people do in private. It’s okay to do that in your bedroom when you’re alone, but never in front of other people. People feel uncomfortable and then, you know, help them remember that because sometimes it takes a few, a few little reminders to, you know, get their hands out of their pants. So yeah, that’s one of the big concerns for parents. And I just want to reassure you that it’s very common, considered natural, considered healthy, and then we have boundaries right about when that’s okay.

Michelle: Yeah, that’s a great idea. And you know, just, you just normalizing the normalizing, but we as parents take it as a crazy big deal and you making it not a big deal, which I really appreciate that you do and I think that’s a great way of looking at it. So, you know, what, when is the right time to start bringing up these conversations? Is it, when, is it more like kid led or is it we really need to like sit down at a certain point and have a conversation.

Amy: Yeah, it’s really adult-led and you know some kids will never ever ask and that’s for a variety of reasons. They’re super private. They think they already know. They read you as not ask able. Like you get a little tweaky around this. So they’re like, oh, she’s not safe, so I’m not gonna, I can’t go here with you. So it really needs to be parent-led. And the place to start for everyone is just using the correct names for private body parts. They have a right to know. And you know, we are all hung up because of the way we were raised that you don’t say penis, you don’t say clitoris as you don’t say vulva. You know, lots of us are using, you know, terms like Taco and down there and front bottom and back bottom and you know, winky and you know, all these other terms and what that tells kids is that something different about that body part.

And there’s something actually not okay. Because they don’t, you know, like everything else has a kind of an anatomical name. Like, you know, my nose is not my smeller, right. Like we don’t say that, hey, you know, wipe your smeller, please. So this is the place to start and it’s actually protective when it comes to folks that might want to, molester abuse your child. Because if a child says, hey, you know, do not touch my vulva or don’t touch my vagina. That correct word tells that person. That’s that you there, the kids being talked, spoken to you by someone. But if a child says, don’t touch my cookie, that’s not okay. That indicates to that person that there isn’t an open, open line of communication. Interesting.

Michelle: Yeah, that’s a great point. And very good for their safety too. That’s a really great idea. So we can start having these conversations by certain eating the right body card for being an adult about the conversation. Yeah. Call it what it is, don’t it weird. And then what about when the kids start asking us questions?

Amy: Most kids start asking about how babies are made when they are like five or six or so. And if your child asks you that, this is an indication that they are ready to know. In fact, most kids are ready to know what about five or six, whether or not they’re asking. And the reason for this is that they don’t know about sex. Like they don’t know there’s anything Yucky, bad, embarrassing, shameful. They also don’t know that there’s anything marvelous, fabulous, amazing about sex. And so we have an opportunity as parents to start to launch them with like, this is an amazing part of life. It’s very cool. It’s not for kids.

So you gotta be very clear about that and then, and then start the conversations. And most parents shy away from penises and entering vaginas. And that being the usual way babies are made. We know the babies are made all kinds of different ways these days, which is of course lovely for lots of families. But that’s the thing that people need to get kind of out of the way. And so the other reason is they start school. So kids talk, especially now when kids are porn exposed really early, so they kind of have this sense of what sex is. So it’s again, protective. So if the kid says, you know, hey, I know it’s sex is, it’s when people read their bodies all over each other and get naked and your kid’s like, yeah, and right. So you want your child really to be the smartest kid on the playground.

And I know I just said porn exposed. So everyone needs to take a big deep breath and shove that in a dark place. Cause we’ll talk about it again in a minute. So we’re just talking about basic anatomy and setting kids up to feel good about themselves as a sexual person. And then, you know, really like talking about your family values in terms of waiting. You know, I’m not I don’t believe that you should wait until you’re married to have sex. I think that is like kind of bonkers. So what we say in our family is that sex is for later in life. You know, if you do believe that sex is for marriage, that’s great, but you need to talk about why because it’s marriage is not compelling. As you may know yourself, so talking about why it’s important to wait and why those are your family values.

So the other thing we know about kids who are sex educated from an early age is that they are safer from sexual abuse. They do better, they feel better. And while they may not wait longer to have sex they do use protection. And you know, no one wants a teen pregnancy. Right. That’s a really hard thing to deal with. And lots of teen parents do really well and thrive. And then, you know, I mean, we’re grown, right? We’ve had babies. We know what it’s like to have kids. It is hard. It is hard. It is. Sure.

Michelle: Yeah. It’s really one of those things that, you know, actually, sometimes I wish I was younger when I had kids. I kids at 30, 32 35, definitely not teens. I really appreciate it. I did have my teens in my twenties too, to have fun, be a kid enjoying that age. So yeah, that’s a great point. So helping them, is interesting that there are definitely a scientific correlation between like having those conversations early and of being safer and actually using protection later on. That’s great.

Amy: Yeah, it really makes a big difference. And you know and the folks who are listening in the United States and Britain we have Canada’s better than we are. But we have the highest teen pregnancy and STD and HIV rate in among young people in the world. And so we can’t depend on the school system or doctors or anybody but us to make sure our kids are really well sex educated. And you know, I think one of the myths is like, I don’t want to make this really clear, like, you know, Park your five-year-old and say, okay, it’s time for the talk and then, you know, talk at them for three hours. The thing that’s most effective is short and sweet conversations throughout the years. Not being afraid of like if something comes up like in the news or whatever and just saying, you know, hey, you know, oh my goodness, there’s this article or I heard this thing on the radio or whatever and you know, let’s chat about it.

Or so-and-so is going to have a baby. And you know, they usually people get pregnant when they have a sperm and an egg join up cause the penis and the vagina, it goes in the vagina. But these guys had this other way of getting pregnant. It’s two moms, it’s two dads. Like you talk about that a week and or in your own family just say, no, this is the usual way. But in our family, this is how you came to be. And the other piece is this, kids do not, they’re not judgmental. They’re just like, oh, okay. So like when I told Milo, we read a book, which I highly recommend, and there are a bunch of books on my website that I are my favorites. I’ve read them all. And so I read a book with him and I got to the penis in vagina part and I was like skipping it and he hopped off my lap and he said, okay, thanks Mama.

And went and played with Legos. And so I sat there and I was like yeah, baked chicken. And so a couple of days later I read the book or read the whole thing and you know what he said, okay, thanks Mama. And went back to playing legos. Right? So they don’t know. We know. So we need to remember that and like, and then like, and my park our anxiety park everything we know. And you know, we know all this stuff and it’s important for us to acknowledge that it’s important for us to deal with our hurt and our damage around sexuality because again, we’re going to project this onto our kids and just remember your kid’s an empty vessel. They deserve to know about this. They deserve to know that sex feels great. It’s a good part of life. It’s a healthy part of life.

It’s a normal part of life. And then talk about the troublesome stuff. Right? So by the time your kid is nine-ish, they should know all parts, what goes where your values about sex, they should know about start knowing about puberty. Girls have their periods as young as eight. It is straight up mean to not tell girl she’s going to be bleeding from down there. And so getting for girls in particular, I think they should know about periods by eight. And again, they don’t know there’s anything weird. It’s a natural function of the body. Yes its an inconvenience. But you know, there are ways to handle it and you’re right there for them and we’ll make sure that they’re prepared. And of course boys need to know about periods. Everybody needs to know about everybody else, right? So by the time they start middle school, they should know the basics of everything.

And that means everything they should know about STI’s, HIV, they should know about orgasms, masturbation, puberty. They need to know about all the different kinds of sex, oral, anal, vaginal, they should know that most of sex is touching, hugging, kissing. You know, having your body’s rub together, like the parts and wholes piece of it is, kind of the, not the full, the full idea of sexuality. And so I know some of you just like had a heart attack and are wishing you had a drink. So I just want to assure you again, that seems like a really big deal, a lot of conversations to have.

This doesn’t happen in one go right. So it’s like, Hey, just want to talk to you about this little piece and hey, do you know what STI’s are? And you talk a little bit about that. So you’re not the you’re not the Wikipedia of sex for your kids.

You are giving them like, what is the thing what is it, what’s your value about it and what are the limits, right? So, you know, just talking about all of that they need to know about birth control. And again, I know this feels like a lot of information, but it’s over time. That’s why we have books. So you don’t have to be the one that goes like, okay, the Fallopian Tube, you can just read it. Right, and the other thing about that is it puts a little space between you and your kid. So if you’re like reading your book and you’re like, okay, I need another glass of wine, they’re not going to notice your discomfort. In the same way they would if you’re like, okay, we’re going to talk about orgasms and you’re like, having this eye to eye conversation doesn’t work for anybody.

Michelle: Yeah. It seems like we only will make it like a deeper, harder, difficult conversation. Yeah. They are kids they just need to know, like you’re saying the basics, but the easy and the, Hey, do you know what this is like? That sounds like a good way of approaching it. Now let’s hear, come here. Let’s talk about the birds and bees.

Amy: Let’s sit down. It’s Wednesday, it’s the talk day, right? It’s Wednesday, it’s Hump Day. We’re going to have our sex talk today. And it’s actually, I mean, you can be funny about it, right? And you can just say, hey, it’s Wednesday. It’s time for a sex talk and there’ll be like, oh my God, you know, and it doesn’t matter. Right? Like even if they say like I already know what that is. They don’t, or maybe they do, but the thing they’re missing is your values, which is super important, which is super important. That’s actually the most important thing you can do for yourself and for your kids. And just to clarify your values. And I have a book called Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids, which is all about clarifying your values and you know, it’s weird, we don’t think about like we think about our sexual values in terms of like when is it okay to do it?

But really we have values about all kinds of things. Like we have values about tampons, we have values about any number of things. And so when you clarify your values, you’ll feel better, you’ll feel better, and then you’ll do better. So when you’re rattling off some, you know, term or your kid’s like, oh my God, what’s a blow job? What’s a blow job mom? And you’re like, Ahhh! Right. You’ll be able to say it later, they’ll be able to do a better job of thinking about it, thinking about how you wanna respond. So I, and you know, I think the other thing about this is that there’s this myth that when the kids are ready to know, they’re gonna ask, some kids don’t ask. Right. And what do you do with that kid? Right. My kid he never asked.

Michelle: We just assume. Yeah, we just can’t assume that they know. So they don’t need to ask it.

Amy: Or that they know the right timing. Right. And you know, it’s just not, it’s just not true.

Michelle: Do you have some tips for, you said earlier that like maybe they’re not asking me because they don’t feel safe like that you’re a safe person. Do you have some tips for parents? You know, try to become that safe person so they feel comfortable.

Amy:  Yeah. So I’m a big fan of just admitting like, I’m not comfortable to talk about this. My parents never talked to me, but you’re old enough now. It’s really good one. You’re old enough now for us to start having these conversations. So I might be awkward. You might be awkward, I might be uncomfortable, you might be uncomfortable, but you need to know about this cause it’s such an important and really great part of life. And that’s it. And then you get a book and then you say you’re driving in the car and you’re like, Hey, remember right, we were gonna start talking about this sex thing. So I just wanted to let you know, like sex means two things. It’s like whether you are female or male. And it also has to do with you know, being really close to somebody and like having pleasure or making love.

And so it’s kind of going to hear those words. And so I just want you to know that there’s two different ways talking about it or you know, I would just like chuck things over my shoulder in the car. It’s like, Hey, did you know that when girls have women and girls and women have pants on, that their periods, like they can use this thing called Tampon, which goes up inside their body. It’s like cotton thing. Or they can use a pad to catch the blood and everybody will be like, Ah God, and then you’re like, you got to know this stuff. Like I did that for the boys in my car. Right. And I had permission from my son’s besties, parents that I could just talk about whatever I wanted. There were moments when I was like, I’m not doing that one, but I was very open with them as well.

Michelle: That’s awesome. I love that. You know what? You can drive the kids anywhere you want and take them anywhere and then you can have those conversations with them. Yeah. My Mom said she used to love driving us places and when we were in middle school, high school age, because that’s how she found out what was happening in our lives is by driving us and hearing our conversation.

Amy: He’s good. Cracks me up. How like they forget that you’re listening and like they’re just having this little back and forth and it’s like, where are you people? Like do you realize that I am like, I here right here, but don’t abuse your time in the car. I had one mom say to me. She’s like, Hey Amy, I took your advice about talking to kids in the car. And she said, I think I’ve, I think I overdid it. She said, she said, yeah, you know, my like the other day though, like getting in the car and they’re like, no sex talks, no sex talks. So use it judiciously. Yeah, everybody does better if you’re talking while you’re doing something else, playing Legos, washing dishes, folding clothes, walking the dog. And it’s okay to just, you know, say hey, I just want to talk to you about something real quick and then say what it is. Keep it to two minutes or you know, max, as your kids get older, you’re going to have longer, deeper conversations.

Michelle: I love that. But just setting up the little tiny conversations, throughout their lives. I think that’s a really good, that’s not just one big long three hour talk that they’re like totally done at the end.

Amy: Yeah. I mean it’s exhausting for you. Like the kids, whatever, it’s going to wipe you out. And you know, and again, it also makes this like an event, you know, rather than a part of their, in part of your family life and how you roll.

Michelle: Right. While we’re on the topic of questions, do you think when your child comes to you with a question, you’re not quite sure how to answer that? Would you try to answer as best you can at that moment? Or would you say let’s table for a minute and come back to that conversation? How would you deal with that?

Amy: Yeah, I a if you’re like, oh, I don’t know how to handle this, then you can you just say, I don’t quite know how to answer a question, so I need to think about it. I’ll get back to you at bedtime and then you go run around and research research, right. And figure out how you want to talk about it. It’s really important for kids to see us not make like being like, uh-oh, I don’t quite know how to answer that. And, and just showing how you don’t have to be out working out, working on the fly. That you can take a moment before you respond to something. And you know, if you do answer a question on the fly, cause you think I got this and then later you’re like, oh, I just said something crazy cause I was anxious then go back to your kid.

And it’s so important to apologize and say I’m so sorry I didn’t answer that very well. Here we go again. And again, you know, this is another parenting important parenting technique or whatever. Whatever. It’s not even a technique thing is to apologize. Yeah. Cause when we say I’m sorry, our kids lean into us. If we’re running around acting like we’re all experts. So if you apologize when you do something, when you misbehave, cause we all misbehave, your kid respects you more, they’re more likely to take responsibility when they’ve made a mistake. So it’s really modeling how to be a decent human being.

Michelle: Yeah. And you know, it’s funny cause I feel like parents get a little weird about the parent child thing, but like you just be a normal human being. Like would you do that, would you do not go back and apologize if it was your friends or you know, your husband or something. We forget they’re younger. They need to be treated the same way as everybody else. Yeah.

Amy: They need to see that. They need to see that. Yeah. It’s a good skill. So don’t overuse that as well because it’s really effective. Yeah. You really screw up then use it. But if you’re moderately script cause women tend to, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Oh I’m sorry. I didn’t like fill your coffee cup right or you know, whatever. I’m sorry honey. I didn’t, I gave you a fork instead of a spoon. So that’s another little tip, like monitor yourself. Like when do you really need to apologize? Yeah. Right. You don’t need to apologize if you gave your kid the wrong fork. Right. Or fill their cup halfway when they wanted it all, whatever. You know all the weirdness that they do. Yeah. Yeah. Cause it really, when you’re apologizing all the time, it oh what’s the word? You know, it kind of makes the real apology less powerful.

Michelle: Right. Makes sense. You were saying at the beginning of that you learned a lot of things like Amsterdam or they’re really doing it right in Holland. What were some of the things that they’re doing differently than we’ve been able to do in North America?

Amy: So they have a re, so this is a kind of a like a thing we can’t really fix, but they have a really open culture about sexuality. They see it as a positive, lovely, wonderful part of life. And our culture sees it as dangerous. We see it as problematic. We see it as secret, we see it as like a don’t ask, don’t tell kind of situation. So we have very different cultural values and attitudes about it. And so the takeaway for parents is make your family values like the Netherlands, right.

Copy that within your own family, cause you do have the most influence there. They had sex ed from kindergarten all the way through. So there is no not knowing, there’s no not knowing and those kids wait a little bit longer to have sex. And again, when they do, they do it safely, lowest teen pregnancy rate, lowest HIV, STI rate and the world and so, you know, who doesn’t want that, right? So there’s a definite correlation between lots of information and better decision making or safer decision making.The families tend to have like they’re more chill with dating and you know, the boyfriends that I’ve girlfriends like partners can stay over at each other’s houses because even though that might feel a little bit uncomfortable to the parents, again, it’s safer. Right. You know, we were all bonking in the park or you know, some, you know, right.

Like wherever we were getting it on, it was not at a party. And of course, speaking for myself here, you know, at a party or whatever. So like hooking up with folks and it wasn’t in a safe space. So they have that going on and then they have socialized medicine, which frankly is helps everyone be healthier so that there’s no anxiety about where am I going to get birth control? How do I learn about this? You know, I think I might have an STI. Something’s up down there. Like it’s not a big deal to go get your care. And here it’s complicated. I just had a mom call me because her son has his first girlfriend and they’ve had sex. And fortunately he told her, which is great. And she said, I’ve been doing what you say and look what happened and then I’m freaking out.

So this is whole like, Yay. Help! And so one of the problems was like where she, when the question was where she going to get birth control. They’re using condoms, but she needs to be on birth control. And so she has a teen clinic at our school. You know, there’s always planned parenthood. So there was some conversation about how she going to do that, where she gonna do that. And you know, there, it doesn’t even, it’s like not even thing, right? You just go to the doctor and nobody cares. Right. So that’s basically what they have going on for them. And I believe we should all be little Netherlands at our house, like all the we should be doing that and helping our kids that way. It doesn’t hurt them. It doesn’t hurt them to know this stuff.

Michelle: I really like what you said about doing, thinking about our values, about sexuality before we have those conversations with our kids because I’m going to go get that book you suggested on your website because I think that’s a good idea to go back and think about you know, what it is that, what is our family values that before we even have a conversation about it. I think that’s a, that was a really great tip and thank you. You, mentioned something else and when we were first talking about it, how our kids are porn exposed, I wanted to go back to that for a second. So tell us about that.

Amy: Big deep breath. Everybody. Here we go again. Okay. So here’s the deal and I’m just going to keep this sort of short and not really sweet.Because this is one of the things that is making me most crazy when it comes to childhood sexuality. And so every child will be exposed, to pornography that they cannot escape childhood without seeing it. And, the bad news is, and it can be very scary. It can be very distressing. It can be very upsetting and confusing. It seems gross to kids, which it should.

It can also be really fascinating because they can get, you know, we’re wired up to feel sexual from the beginning. It just looks different kids so they can get sexual feelings from it. And so they can go down a rabbit hole. And, um, so the difference between seeing still images and seeing video is that it’s video is much more powerful. Like, you know, I had playboy magazine, right, and play girl and like penthouse rights, which was the really naughty one. And so seeing those still images can also be influential but not in the same way. So the first thing is that most parents think, oh, no, not my kid. My kid would never, they’re not interested. And if you’re not talking openly with your child and they’re curious about bodies, they can Google boob and or penis. And I had a couple, a mom that called me and she was in a relationship with a woman and they had a little boy and she said, so my partner’s talking to my son, he was about six or seven talking to my son and she was saying, hey, when he gets older, when you get older, your body’s going to grow, you’re going to get taller, your feet are going to get bigger, you’re going to get, you know, hair on your chest and your legs even your penis is going to get bigger.

And then that smarty pants, little guy ran downstairs and guess what? He googled penis. So he saw some mighty big penises and you know, the moms were freaked out. But you know, I was like, did you see videos? They were like, no, it was still photographs. And I said, okay, good. But still, right. So he’s curious. He, Google’s big penis. He doesn’t live with adult men by who would have big penises that he might see. So yeah, he saw some really big penises. So we need to think about this like that. Like they’re curious, where do we go for answers? We’re gonna Google, and it’s their natural curiosity that can lead them into this. And so some kids will just be like, oh my God, and shut it down. And some kids will be like, what’s happening here? And look for more.

And you know, the internet doesn’t care how old your child is. The Internet’s not going to say, oh, honey, you’re 12. We’re just going to say no. Right? So most parents, and this is where I’m going to be a little scoldy and mean, most parents think, oh no, my kid would never, so they don’t have parental controls and they don’t have monitoring software to protect their kids. And that monitoring software and those parental controls should be set on every single device your kid can access. Even at Grandmas, even at their childcare, it should be locked down so that when they do Google big penis, they’re not gonna get anywhere. None of this is foolproof, but it’s in terms of like doing our due diligence to protect our kids, this is what you need to do. And it works. You know, I had a couple come into my office for consultation because their eight year old daughter had googled horses even though they had everything locked down and she managed to get to some, as they put it bad seventies porn, through one thing and another. And so they were worried about her, but it was like not, it was, it was totally manageable cause she knew what she knew. She was sex educated. Right. It was all, it all ended up being fine, but you know, so I’m not gonna lie to you and say it’s foolproof, but it’s better than nothing. And go ahead, you have a question.

Michelle: I was just gonna say, we just had this conversation in our family. My son got an iPad for his birthday and my sister in law was sharing with, her kids are 10 and 13, and she’s got a very strict parent rental controls on apple devices, but then also a Youtube and then also on they’re different. So you could he problem that she said she was having is that the sex toys are not, They’re easier to find because there was no, like you can’t set it to g and it’d be only g videos that would come up or you know, g-rated things because those aren’t there things, not .

Amy: Oh, right, right, right, right. Their items Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I mean, like I said, it’s not foolproof. And the thing about monitoring software, and if you go to my website, Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids and go to my resources page, there is the monitoring software I’ve used again, Milo’s 18, we’re done. He’s ruined. Hopefully he is not ruined. It’s called “Custodio” and it, you put it on every device and you block terms, you’re going to have double blocking between the parental controls and the “Custodio”. And then the cool thing is that you’ll get an email telling you if your kids have tried to search something that’s off limits and then that’s an opportunity for conversation. You don’t tell your kids that you have monitoring software and you’re putting parental controls on to keep them safe. It’s not spying.

Right. Spying is when you don’t tell them. Right. So tell them because that’s also respectful, right? And then as they get older, you can start unblocking things so they can, you know, stretch that need to like flex that muscle of self control. Yeah. You don’t take it off. So if you see them go too, I don’t know what he, and you’d be like, Oh God. And you know, you can hit him, click on the link, which sometimes can be really distressing and then you’re going to have a conversation and you know, before you you know, you should have conversations and some folks have contracts with their kids about what’s okay and what’s not okay to do online. But contracts smontracts. I don’t know how well they work. Some kids are real rules oriented, especially when the kids in general or when they’re like before like 11 or so. And then after that there’s a lot of poking right. Trying to be.

Michelle: A lot of rebelling against those rules.

Amy: Yeah. And so this stuff is inexpensive. It’s worth it. It’s takes just, you know, it’s not too hard to install. I’m not super techie. I did it myself. It was fine. And you know, as they, by the time they’re in ninth grade, you take up all the blocking cause they need to be able to do stuff and be out there in the world. But here’s the deal. They have work arounds. Now kids are really savvy. It doesn’t mean you don’t do, it doesn’t mean you don’t do it just because by the time they’re in high school, they’re going to be looking at other stuff. And the thing to remember is, I don’t know the statistics, but I would guess that 80% of parents have no parental controls and no monitoring software on the devices, their kids access.

Michelle: It’s scary.

Amy: And it’s not just sex stuff, it’s not just porn. It’s like how do you commit suicide? What’s, you know, like all kinds of awful things. Yeah. Guns, bombs,

Bombs, anything on YouTube. How do you shoot up? Right. Safely, like awful, awful stuff. So it’s not just porn of course. For me, I’m most worried about the porn. Right. So that’s great. That’s my porn talk. So take a deep breath. If you do, if you take nothing away from our conversation, this is the thing. There’s one last thing. You do not want to be the parent that has, that gets a phone call from another parent who says, your kid showed my kid porn on the phone, on the school bus. You do not want to be that parent. It is. It sucks. It’s scary and it’s hard. So protect yourself. How’s that?

Michelle: Amazing. Thank you Amy. You’ve given us so many great nuggets here and so I could set up some great, like the glue, so many great places to start from, which is amazing. And so we can go ahead over to Amy’s website, go check out her resources. She has a book. She’s got the software, she just mentioned. Lots of great, amazing things and lots of more education there too. And don’t forget to check out her podcast because it is hilarious. You’ll really love it. And so, Amy, thank you so, so, so much for spending time with our community today on the Blissful Parenting Podcast. We really appreciate you taking the time out of your day to come and spend with us and enlightening us on, and we will definitely bring you back again. Yeah. For talks, more topics. There’s so much to talk about, so thank you.

Amy: Yeah, my total pleasure is really fun.

Michelle: Great. Oh, look forward to seeing you again soon.

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The Yelling Cure For Parents With Robbin McManne (#7)

The Yelling Cure For Parents With Robbin McManne (#7)

Today on The Blissful Parent Podcast we are talking to faculty member, Robbin McManne. She is a Certified Parent Coach, author and speaker who works with parents from all over the world to help them build more connections and bring more joy and cooperation to their parenting.

Robbin is a former ‘Angry Mom’ and for over 12 years, Robbin juggled a full-time corporate career while being a mom and wife, prior to becoming a Parenting Coach.  In her corporate career, Robbin has a background in marketing and public relations, training, and event planning. She understands firsthand how many moms struggle to balance work and family.

Michelle: Hello and welcome to The Blissful Parenting Podcast. I’m your host, Michelle Abraham. And today I am joined by special guest Robbin McManne.

And what’s so awesome about Robbin is she’s a certified parenting coach and an author and a speaker and she’s also one of our Blissful Parenting faculty members. She’s done a course with us at Blissful Parenting called, “How not to lose your …you know what!”. So you can that fill in the blanks there. Cause this is a PG podcast so you don’t want to say it but it actually is titled. And so back to Robbin, she works with parents from all over the world and help them and she helps them to be kind of have more connection and find more joy and cooperation in their parenting. So Robbin is a former angry mom. I can totally relate to that. And for over 12 years Robbin’s juggled full time corporate career while being a mom and a wife. Prior to becoming a parenting coach in her corporate career, Robbin had a background in marketing and public relations training and event planning. She understands firsthand how many moms struggle to balance work and family because of her struggles as a parent that she found the world of peaceful parenting and has dedicated her life to teaching parents how to build a strong family so their kids thrive. So Robbin, welcome to the show today. We’re so happy to hear from you today.

Robbin: Thank you for having me. I’m thrilled to be here. Thanks Michelle.

Michelle: Oh, no problem. Well, I’m so happy you’re here too. So Robbin’s an author, as we’ve mentioned before, and her, the name of your book is called “The Yelling Cure”. So what we’re really going to talk about a lot today is this yelling here. So how Robbin’s going to be able to help some parents with figuring out, oh, they are a yelling parent. Oh, you probably already know you’re yelling parent if you’re yelling parent. And what are some things that we can help to us to stop be yelling parents. And so if it’s okay with you Robbin, I’d like to dive right into the conversation and I want to hear a little bit more about your background. How did you get started becoming a parenting coach?

Robbin: Well, yeah, thank you. Yeah, I know I have a background in marketing and events and different things. And so this is definitely a departure from that. You know, when I first became a parent, I had no idea what I was in for and I, was really, it kind of rocked me to the core. You know, I had, we were lucky, to have a baby right away, but, you know, it really started as I was giving birth my journey into struggle in parenting. My sweet boy went up instead of down when I had my epidural and I had a c-section and was in so much pain as I know a lot of women can relate to. And I had heard stories of women who you had trouble reconciling the way the birth went with their child. And I thought that was ridiculous. Well, I got it. I got that lesson and I definitely knew what it was like, but the problem for me is that I couldn’t get over it. Not just the birth, but it was the start of the cycle of shame that I felt because I felt like I wasn’t good enough, right? I couldn’t nurse my child. I couldn’t do the things that I wanted to with my child. And it affected my confidence, my self-esteem. It affected my happiness, my joy, my connection with my child too. He wasn’t, this wasn’t what I thought it was going to be like. And I wasn’t the mother I thought I would be. And through the struggle over the years with my child, and we have another son as well, we have two boys who are just the best boys ever, and they’re now are 14 and 11. And they, you know, through this journey and through the darkness and the depression that I fell into, I found peaceful parenting. And I found a way to connect with my kids. But ultimately I found a way back to myself. And the transformation was undeniable that I had to, it changed my life so much. I had to do this, I had to do this because it brought me so much joy.

Michelle: So wow. And you know, with your, thank you. So I mean, so glad that you went through that as and being vulnerable now you can now share that experience. And I know so many moms can relate to that story. Yeah. The shame or not feeling good enough and not prepared like, oh my gosh, we didn’t get a bible or any sort of like book to come with this parenting gig. And it’s tough in the first little while, and I love that you say that you love your boys, you have the best boys and they’re 11 and 14 year old boys. So parents out there, I want you to hear that the all teenage boys don’t have to be difficult and crazy and hard and you know, please listen to Robbin. It can be joyful having teenage boys, I’ll think you know.

Robbin: But yes, it’s, well, yes, that’s true for sure. But the thing is too, right? And this is what I tell parents all the time, and I know we’re going to get into like the nitty gritty of the parenting stuff, but your teenagers, your toddlers, it’s the same in terms of their behavior. That behavior is just communication that’s letting us know that something is going on with them, that other, there’s a need that isn’t getting met or there’s an emotion that is unacknowledged or they don’t have a skill to do something right. So it isn’t even about us. It’s about them and them navigating to the world and how can we support them. So for teenagers, it’s a whole different list of things and struggles and topics that we have to face than we do with our toddlers. But essentially across the board, we, if we changed the way we look at behavior and stop labeling it good or bad, and start questioning it and saying, how come then that is what brings you closer and also helps you to work it out. And when your child is getting their needs met and their feelings acknowledged and they feel good, they’re way more likely to cooperate, and that’s the key right? We want cooperation, don’t we?

Michelle: Absolutely. And I like that. What, you said is key is that, you know, the, the communication is that there’s something that is missing there. Like it has nothing to do with you. Like I know a lot of parents, myself guilty as well at points have been like, why you, why are you making mommy so mad? Right. Like, you know, and it has their behavior is nothing to do with you. So, you know, and we got to really like work.

Robbin: Why are you embarrassing me? Why are you trying to make me mad?

Michelle: Yeah. Nothing to do with you. Nothing to do with you. So that’s a good, that was a good lesson I learned. You know, I’m new to parenting. It’s still relatively in the first, you know, six years. So, that’s something that I’ve learned recently. So it’s really helped a lot to realize that that’s not all about you. And so Robbin, you know, your, you wrote “The Yelling Cure” and it’s because you were at angry mom. So tell us a little bit about that and how the book kind of came about.

Robbin: Yeah. So, you know, I was an angry mom because of my own issues, but I was also an angry mom because my oldest child is a really difficult kid. You know the stuff that I talk about isn’t just for typical kids. It’s for kids that have really high needs and he’s one of those kids. And so throughout the, the, the first few years we knew there was something off, but we didn’t know what it was. And so we talked to healthcare providers, we tried to find ways to help him. He was really anxious, he was really angry, he was really oppositional. And so we’re at a place now where we really understand what’s going on with him. And he has challenges that we as parents, my husband and I, we have to help him through. And it’s not always easy and I’ll never say I’m perfect and that I always have the answer because there are some days where I struggle sometimes, you know, because it is a lot.

So my son, just to tell you, and, and I want to be clear that I have his permission to talk about this because for a long time I never talked about this and I was, I was so ashamed of my own self and thought it was all my fault, which is why I didn’t want to talk about it. And now that we have some answers and I’m in a better place, I can. So, he struggles with intense anxiety. So an anxiety disorder that manifests itself as obsessive compulsive disorder and OCD is thrown around as, you know, sort of anecdotally like, oh, I’m so OCD, I have to make sure my bed is made every day or whatever. But you know, that’s not OCD. OCD is debilitating and my son has that kind of OCD and it’s, you know, it’s hard to see, you know, I know this is his lot in life, but as his mom, it’s sad to see, you know.

But I know that this is his calling to find a way to work through this, right? So we help them with that. And, there’s work that he needs to do. So there’s obsessive compulsive disorder. He also has some depression and there is also, an explosive anger just order that he has to. So sometimes he will have meltdowns and they last a long time, you know, not as much as he gets older, but they can be pretty big and pretty, pretty long lasting and loud. So all of those things put together with the regular overwhelm, you feel the regular busy schedule that you have, all of those things, it was pretty hard on me. It was pretty hard on me. So, and, and I consider him my greatest gift because if it wasn’t for him, you know, I wouldn’t want to have been a better mom or a better person. And he’s definitely opened the door for me to heal myself, you know, which is what I’ve already said. But I mean, it’s a really, I always believed that the pain that you feel, no matter where it is in your life it is your invitation for healing. So I’m so grateful to him for that.

Michelle: Oh, that’s so great. I love that. You can see it in that way now and it’s opened the door really for you to become a parenting coach and now help so many other parents as well, which is fantastic. So this is where “The Yelling Cure” came from, being frustrated, angry mom. And so what are some tips for parents that maybe are finding themselves in this particular situation? With, their kids right now where they just are frustrated and you know, just having, having some issues, keeping their own cool when they’re talking to their kids.

Robbin: Well, when parents are finding themselves in these positions and they’re finding themselves really struggling, you know, they’ve got to look at, and this is what I teach parents to do. Look at parenting from two sides, right? On the one side, we’re looking at your child and your child’s behavior, right? But we’re looking at their behavior. Like I always say, not as good or bad, but as communication, but we also want to look at them in terms of developmental stages. Brain science always comes into play. And then there is, I’m also recognizing that there may be a skill that they don’t yet have, right? So we want to look at the child’s right when you’re in this position where you’re frustrated, you’re angry and things aren’t going the way you want. We look at your child, we look at their behavior, and if behavior is communication, then the other side of it is you.

How are you interpreting their communication, their behavior, communication? Are you, is it triggering you? Is it making you angry? Is it making you frustrated? Does your child whine too much? Does your child have meltdowns? Too many times, is your child rude or disrespectful? So, how do we interpret that? What’s really going on? And, what I always tell parents to do when they’re in these situations is to to look what’s under the behavior. Don’t look at the first, look at it as secondary, right? Don’t label it as good or bad. Look at it as secondary and find out what’s driving it. There’s always either unmet need, unacknowledged emotion, or they just don’t have the skill yet. Right? And so, then what, what I teach in, the reason I wrote the book is because I want parents to understand that there are eight core needs of a child that needs to be met at any given time and I’m not talking about the need to have a toy or an ice cream cone or whatever it is. It’s not that kind of need, but their basic core human needs, the need for unconditional love, for connection, for attention. You know, we blame and shame our kids for just needing attention or you’re just doing that to get attention. Well yeah, maybe they are doing that to get attention and that’s why they’re doing what they’re doing. And so we need to give them quality attention and really lean into that. And when your child is getting their needs met, they’re much more likely to cooperate. They’re going to be happier, they’re going to be more calm as well. So that’s all that I talk about in my book. It’s all in there on how to do that and how to get to a new place with your child.

Michelle: I have read part of your book and I’m looking for it to continue reading it. It’s got some great resources in there. It’s got those core needs I think are so fascinating and I think it’s something that every parent should take a look at your book because it really, it’s really not about the obviously not about behavior and some of the things I learned in there was really more about looking at those, those basic needs and like you know, you know I was one of those parents that used to say, oh yeah, bad behavior, good behavior. Okay no, it’s the attention they need or they need some more love or they just need you to look them in their eyes and talk with them and sit down and have that, that those moments. So highly recommend picking up Robbin’s book. Robbin where can we find your book can you tell us where that is.

Robbin: Yeah, you can find it in a couple of different places. One is on my website, which is just ParentingForConnection.com and it’s for not the number. So ParentingForConnection.com and you can also do go to RobbinMcManne.com. So either place, you’ll put that in the show notes I know, so people can get it. Can I add something really quickly to what we’ve just said? I just want to, I want to say that those, those core needs for a child are really important, but I also include core needs for you as a parent as well because that’s also really, really important. We’ve got to get your needs met, right? And I just want you to know that there’s a list of needs in there and call to action for you to identify which ones, which of your needs aren’t getting met. So that’s important too. That’s awesome.

Michelle: Thank you, Robbin, for that. That’s so important for parents to know. And so apparent important for parents to know that they have some support and they need to get their needs met too. And now Robin, you just started a podcast too. So parenting for our future, “Parenting Our Future” is the podcast, Robbin just started and I, it’s excellent. Go over to iTunes, check it out, make sure you subscribe, like and review her show because it’s really great to have continue this conversation on. If you’ll love what Robbin’s saying today, you’ll love what she says on her podcast too. So make sure you check that out. For sure. So Robbin, can you tell us a little bit about what would it be like for a parent to come and work with you? What does that look like and what’s the process you take parents through and who at what point should parents really reach out?

Robbin: Well, thank you. That’s a great question. When I work with parents, I work with them one on one usually. Like that’s the main way. I do have some courses which are more of a group environment, but really if you’re looking for individual help than working with me, one on one is what you do. And I work with clients for about three months and there are ten one on one calls during that time. And that’s where I really break down and help parents to move past the issues that they’re facing that are really unique to them and their family, right? Every family is different. Every set of circumstances is different. All personalities are different. So to find somebody that can help you with things that are unique to you. And look, I work with parents all day long. It’s exclusively what I do. I don’t work with the kids.

I just work with the parents. So you know, for me, this is about helping you to, to get unstuck and move forward. Because the idea is that we want you, or I want you to build a relationship. We want to have relationships with our kids and we want it to not be so much of a control and dominance over our kids as in relationship with our kids because we want them to see us as trusted allies that they can come to when they’ve done something bad or wrong or made a mistake. And we are there not to criticize them, not to judge them or shame them, but just to help them work it out. And what that does is that helps them grow into the kind of people who have emotional intelligence and resilience. And those are the kinds of people in this world, in today’s society that really thrive. So that’s what I help parents to do on an individual basis. So and it’s been such a rewarding experience working with parents that, you know, excitedly tell me that they got their kids to do what they asked them to do. They listen now. There’s not, as much as there’s no disrespect, there’s not as much complaining, you know, it’s really exciting.

Michelle: You don’t, you know, we’re not, I remember back in with your kids like it was like that the parents are the scary thing. Like they’re, you’re supposed to be afraid of your parents. And my parents never raised me that way, but I know a lot of my friends’ parents were like, they were afraid of their parents. How awful is that? Like that, that’s not what you want. You want to be able to have that be that ally person. And I like what you and I hope parents are listening at home. You want your children to be able to come to you as that trusted person to work out a problem. Now be ashamed by it, not get criticized for it and not getting punished for it, but to help them work it out. I think that’s so key. And having resilient emotionally intelligent people in this world is what we really need more of.

So I’m glad that you’re helping parents find ways to raise those kinds of children. Cause those are the kids that are really going to thrive in the future. It’s really what our future needs is for people that are emotionally intelligent and not broken. And you know, so that’s really great. Thanks Robbin. And I wanna talk a little bit about the course that you did with Blissful Parenting. So we can’t say the whole title, but it’s like how much you’re, you know, and, tell us a little bit about this course and what’s included in it.

Robbin: Okay, sure. So this course is a, I love it. I mean I do love the name too because I think that as much as parenting is serious and sacred, I still think that we could have a little bit of fun. Something happens when we become parents. We get really serious and we need to have some fun. So, anyway, and I know every parent can relate to losing your stuff, right? So in this course, what, I teach you is in six modules, it’s six modules. So it’s really easy to consume. I give you a full workbook too, so that the meat of the course that you’re going to watch online, they are video, the video classes, you get that all in the workbook too. So the first thing I do is walk you through setting your intentions for you and your child. Then I share with you a tool that I’ve created, which is four steps to keeping yourself cool and stopping a meltdown in its tracks. And that could be your meltdown or your child’s meltdown. Cause I know we have those too. Then I talk about how to really get your kids to listen.

And then I talk about the pitfalls of punishment. There’s a lot of parents that, you know, really up until this point in history, punishment has been the norm, right? You don’t do what I like, so I’m going to punish you. So the thing is is that it doesn’t work. It may work in the short term, but it doesn’t work in the long time to foster that strong relationship. And so I really want to unpack why we use punishment and how it ends up backfiring for us. And then also one of my most favorite things that I love to do with my clients is set up their values, their family values that are unique to them and the boundaries for their kids that correspond to those values. And the great thing is everybody agrees so everybody knows where they stand and everybody knows what’s okay and what’s not okay. So that is a module I love. And then the last one is something, of course, I’m passionate about, which is creating a plan for self-care. I’m not just talking about it, I’m helping you to create a plan to get your needs met. So that you can fully show in a peaceful way with peaceful responses for yourself and for your kids and your family.

Michelle: I just love the word peaceful parenting. It just sounds so nice. It sounds lovely,

Robbin: But it is also about boundaries. It’s about, you know them knowing what’s okay and what’s not okay. You know, this isn’t a free for all. You know, there are stick our kids need structure and boundaries so that they can flourish within that scaffolding of support.

Michelle: Yeah, that’s important. You know, as someone who I call myself more of a free spirit, I’ve learned this in the business world as well as now learning it in a parenting role. Like I always rebelled against the structure and the structure and routine and things that it’s so important, especially for the kids. They really, I really see my kids thrive with routine and structure and they, it wasn’t something that is natural to me. I had to work extra hard as a parent to do that.

Robbin: Well, and it’s funny because you know, you talk about that and you said that you rebelled. And what happens is we see the results of our parenting in the early years when kids are teenagers. Right? And you know, really in terms of the work that I do, it’s never too late. Right? So when, when parents come to me, usually their kids are at least two and older, right? Because two is kind of where they go from being cute to Kinda, making you crazy. But if you’ve got teenagers, you’ve got young adult children, it’s still never too late to mend that relationship and to move forward because you know, it’s okay that we’ve made mistakes, we can always go back, right? We can always go back and heal that relationship. So that’s really important for you to know too. I think for anybody who has kids that thinks, well, you know what, the ship has sailed. I can’t go back. Well, you can. You can.

Michelle: That’s great. That was my next question. What age group do you usually work with? So that’s fantastic to know that you can work with parents, with kids of all age groups. So anyone at any stage in any anywhere is never too late. It’s time to take time to rectify the shift and have a peaceful existence in your family. And how nice does that sound? Right till dinner, Nice Dinner, nice bedtime routines, nice school routines, all that kind of stuff. That sounds, that sounds lovely

Robbin: And it’s all doable without losing your, you know what?

Michelle: Awesome. So you guys will have to check out Robbin’s course on TheBlissfulParent.com it is on our site there and make sure you check it out cause I think it’s so many great tools that parents need to kinda, you know, take a look at and, and start using in a, in their lives and with their kids. So great. So, Robbin, I wanna thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and your wisdom today with us. I know you’ve enlightened myself and I know others have been touched by what you’ve said today. So let’s keep in touch with you, Robbin. Make sure you guys go check out her podcast, “Parenting Our Future”. Check out her website. It’s Robbin, it’s connected ParentingForConnection.com, right?

Robbin: Yup.

Michelle: Yup. Perfect. So make sure you check out Robbin. Follow along and stay tuned for more from Robbin as our Blissful Parenting faculty. We’ll bring her back again, I promise, and we’ll hear more from her down the road. So thank you, Robbin, for being with us today.

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